Kroger Tales
10:34 p.m. - 2003-12-01

Wow, 2 entries in one day. For those of you not in the know, there is a previous entry for today.

Ok, I�ve had some very strange experiences at Kroger lately. Even though the store is right down the street from my house, I usually go late at night because it�s not crowded then�see, smartness is good. These are the events that have all happened within the last 2 weeks:

First event:

It was pouring rain and very cold outside. I went to get some turkey, milk, and tomatoes. Everything was pretty uneventful until I made it out of the store into the parking lot. There were two very creepy looking, older black (I�m black, so I can say this�no emails please) guys standing outside of the doors. Security was no where to be found, as usual for this store. I lower my head a rush past them. One followed me.

Creepy Guy: Hello

Me: (kept walking, looking straight down)

Creepy Guy: Can I just talk to you for a minute?

Me: (feeling his hand on my shoulder and checking how heavy a � gallon of milk is and then calculating how much damage I could do) Yes?

Creepy Guy: Don�t worry. I�m not gonna hurt you or nothin� and naw I don�t need a ride. I got a car. Lemme show it to you. (Pointing) You see that light blue Chevrolet over there.

Me: Uhm, yeah (Didn�t see a damn thing � it�s still raining and dark)

Creepy Guy: Not that one you looking at. Look �it�s uhm, 2, 3, 4 cars from the end, you see it?

Me: Uhm, yeah (Nope)

Creepy Guy: Well, you see, I�m from North Little Rock (this is strange because we were in Little Rock (which is an entirely different city), the southwest side � which means he had to travel all the damn way around Little Rock to get here)and I sprang a fuel leak and I ran out of gas (ok, there are no less than 5 � 6 gas stations that you have to pass getting to this store, no matter which way you come from) I�m flat broke. I was wondering if you could spare a couple of dollars for gas�just enough to get me back to North Little Rock?

Me: (I had a $1 bill and a $5 bill that I had just gotten. Figuring I�d be best to give it up before his friend came over, I handed him the $5 bill and walked off.)

Creepy Guy: Thank you so much, blah blah, blah (I was in my car by this time � doors locked, engine started.)

Second Event:

My mother, sister, and I had just finished shopping for Thanksgiving. We walk out of the store. This time, it�s a woman. My mother and sister quickly walk ahead a pretend they don�t see her. She walks up to me:

Creepy Woman: Ma�am, excuse me�

Me: (Looking ahead and cursing my family members.)

Creepy Woman: Look, I�m not from here. I just moved here from Marietta, Georgia. I ran out of gas up the road. I don�t even know this woman I�m riding with. She just picked me up. But, neither one of us has a dime.

Me: (Still ignoring her.) Creepy Woman: This is so embarrassing. Can I trouble you for a couple of dollars for some gas?

Me: I didn�t pay for any of this. I have no money.

Creepy Woman: Can you ask them for me?

Me: (Arriving at the car where my mother and sister are waiting) No, I cannot.

Creepy Woman: (Silence)

My Sister: What is it?

Creepy Woman: (Begins her tale of woe)-

My Sister: -- Here (Handing here a $20 bill)

Creepy Woman: Oh, thank you so much (hops in a car that pulls up)

My Mother: She�s taking that straight to the crack house.

My Sister: I know.

Me: A lot of people have been running out of gas lately. Maybe gas is too high? (Joke, people)

Third Event:

This time I was alone in the store. Actually, it was last night. I needed coffee. So, I�m in the coffee aisle, trying to decide which coffee to get. (I eventually got the Gourmet Fench Roast and an Italian Espresso Roast, which I�m enjoying right this moment.) A woman approaches me:

Woman: Do you know where the cokes are? Am I in the right place?

Me: (Looking around at all of the coffee stuff confused) There are no cokes in this aisle. They�re on the very last aisle. (Turning my attention back to the coffee dilemma)

Woman: Don�t I know you?

Me: Uhm, no?

Woman: You ever been to the east end (the housing projects)

Me: Uhm, no?

Woman: How old are you?

Me: Uhm, 24?

Woman: You got any kids?

Me: Uhm, no?

Woman: Why not?

Me: Uhm, huh?

Woman: Something wrong with you?

Me: Uhm, no?

Woman: You married?

Me: Uhm, no?

Woman: Why not?

Me: Uhm, huh?

Woman: Why you ain�t got no kids?

Me: I never wanted any?

Woman: I guess 24 is old enough to know.

Me: Uhm, ok?

Woman: I guess it would be better to have a husband first.

Me: Uhm, ok?

Woman: (After giving me several look-overs like I was an alien)Well, alright then. (Walks off)

Me: Uhm, ok?

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